The Silent Partner is any relative who stands by silently while you are victimized or who takes the abuser’s side against the victim. He, or she, is usually the other parent, who abdicates his parental responsibility to protect his children or, worse yet, sacrifices his children to the abuser in order to make his own life easier.
In most cases of birth-family abuse, there is usually not just one single Silent Partner. Several, if not many, family members collude with, protect, and cooperate with the abuser, and participate in scape-goating, pressuring, ostracizing, or trying to silence the victim. I will refer to these evil participants in our abuse as the Silent Majority, although that term requires a bit of clarification. In many instances they are far from silent. Although they might be silent about the actual abuse inflicted upon us, they can be quite vehement in insisting that the victim is wrong for not continuing to accept it.
While encouraging an abuser to operate freely in their midst, they will not be silent when it comes to criticizing the victim. They will look the other way when the victim is being mistreated, never validating her or defending her, and then attack her when she defends herself. The one that they gossip about, smear to others, judge, and condemn will invariably be the victim rather than the abuser. In their sick, evil, twisted minds, it is the long-suffering victim who is the family “trouble-maker”, never the abuser. The abuser is never wrong. Why? It’s simple. Because birds of a feather stick together.
In our Lord-of-the-Flies birth-families, the Silent Partner and The Silent Majority don’t bat an eye at betraying an innocent family member who loves them and serving her up on a silver platter to be sacrificed to vicious, lifelong abuse. They specialize in re-victimizing the victim. Although not as open and obvious about it as the “Alpha Dog” abuser, they are every bit as guilty. By keeping silent or speaking up against the victim, they allow and encourage the abuse to continue. They are partners with the abuser. They are abusers, too, and it’s time we give them the credit for it.